She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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