I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
