Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
