they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
