so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
