***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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