Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
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got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
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The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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