Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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