I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
