My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
