Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
