Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Did I show you my penis last night?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
