A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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