Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
