you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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