dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He better not be in your backpack
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
