i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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