Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
