if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
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It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
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Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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