smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
