im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
