Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
