before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
