They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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