She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
