This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You are the jesus of drinking
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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