I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
me + whiskey = a bad person
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
