im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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