And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
