Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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