Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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