I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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