he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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