I showed him my bush... on skype.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
