You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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