Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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