Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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