stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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