good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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