Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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