god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
