i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am midnight drunk by noon
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
