I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
