Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
