Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize