What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
