I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
