so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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