No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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