Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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