Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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