community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
