I feel like I'm in dance class right now
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
