Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
