I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
