I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I cockslap morals
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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