YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
