Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
