If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
