party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
