it wasn't lemon gatorade
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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