she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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