He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
