Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just had sex on a roof
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
