Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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