Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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