we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
