absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
