Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
