he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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