I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
