He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize