Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
