I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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