i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
