And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
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I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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