Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
