he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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