I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
