We're facebook friends in real life
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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