I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
