Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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