new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
