Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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